Fortgang leaves!
By Leslie Robins

We’ve always known that John Fortgang’s name translated into English as John Forthgo, but we hardly expected him to take it so literally as to go forth altogether from The Lee. That, however, is what he has decided to do.

So on 17th October at the Parish Hall he was guest of honour at a farewell supper attended by some 22 of his friends, all of the masculine persuasion (sex must not be mentioned in a family Newsletter). In various speeches, which in the convivial atmosphere of the evening passed for scintillating wit, John’s many services to The Lee were recalled – as Founding Father of the Village Shop, as Parish Councillor, as contributor to and sometime Editor of The Lee Newsletter and as an ornament to our social life generally. A toast to John and Eileen was drunk with loud acclamation.

We are so sorry to see them go. We hope that their departure for Cuddington will not mean a permanent break in their relations with The Lee but only what the medics call a hairline fracture.

Twas in the year 1982 that we first arrived in The Lee,
Two strangers from Prestwood situated across the valley.
We had long desired to live in this village,
Well known for having suffered in the past a lot of rape and pillage.

The first thing you see as you approach our village is a figurehead behind a hedge.
If you approach too fast and are drunk it can frighten you so much you may well take the pledge.
This is the statue of Admiral Lord Howe
Whose name it may surprise you to know very usefully rhymes with the town called Slough.

When we first lived here it was very different to now;
In every field there still stood a cow,
Chris Ruttle lived across the road
In Church Farm he and Rita still had their abode.

At that time no garage did we have,
Only a large shed (which also served as a lav)
And one day Eileen wanted to go to the shops
As she needed to buy some delicious lamb chops.
She got in the car and out of the shed she tried to reverse
But got the car stuck while trying to find her purse,
And try as she might she could not get the car out
Even though she gave a very loud shout.

But then like a medieval knight in shiny but very heavy armour
Came Chris Ruttle, the very noble and intrepid local farmer.
With bare hands he seized the little car and shook it about
Until Eileen was glad to see that she could drive the car right out.

This act of great human kindness was typical of the lovely people of The Lee,
Many of whom came to live here after we.
Soon the village green was occupied by the nicest people you could imagine,
And amongst them there was not a single country bumpkin.

It soon transpired that many of these people had unusual talents,
From opera singing and house building to cooking venison (that of course is Jim Spence)
There was never a dull moment in this village where life was lived to the full
Probably even more so than the people who live in Solihull.

In the winter there are many events for the villagers to choose from
For example the roving supper organised by Mr and Mrs Lea which always goes down a bomb.
Often the diners forget where they live
Which causes relations between man and wife often to end up divisive.

A wonderful place to meet and chat is the very famous village shop
Which in a recent poll of village attractions came out much more than top.
There you can browse happily and buy virtually anything at any time
Including for a very special occasion a bottle of Australian wine.

Another popular and greatly loved attraction which all in the village do admire
Is the group of talented singers led by June and known as The Lee Village Alternative choir.
Their concerts are legendary and are always a sell-out
And many prefer them to a bowl of hot sauerkraut.

Every summer comes the highlight of the year in the shape of the flower show
An event which is guaranteed to raise a great deal of dough.
The sun always shines and the brass band plays
And many visitors fall down in a drunken daze.

How can all these happy villagers know what is going on from one month to the next?
If they were to miss anything they would certainly become extremely vexed.
They are very fortunate in having the well-known and widely distributed Newsletter
Than which even if you searched high and low I doubt you would find one better.

So anyone can imagine how a couple who are leaving the village must be feeling,
Their heads will be spinning and the floor on which they stand will be reeling.
They have to say goodbye to all their dear and close friends
But happily they’re not going as far away as Land’s End.

In fact we shall be only half an hour away in a place called Cuddington
A prettier village than which I have been able to find none.
It has a church, a pub, a hairdresser and it does also have a shop
Although it certainly is not one where you would go to until you drop.

So thank you all for taking the trouble to come here tonight
Although I suspect that if you hadn’t turned up then with Paul you would have got into a fight.
You would of course have saved yourselves some cash,
But you would have missed the delicious sausages and mash.